who am I to myself?

I can be cold and calculative.

I can be hard and indifferent.

I can be cruel and unrelenting.

I can be harsh and unforgiving.

I can be tough and strong.

I can be bitter and vindictive.

I can be impossible and difficult.

 

I can be warm and generous.

I can be soft and caring.

I can be kind and lenient.

I can be mellow and forgiving.

I can be weak and fragile.

I can be sweet and open.

I can be manageable and easy.

 

But I really don't know.

Am I the loneliest person around?

 

I love the way I act,

the way I dress,

the way I talk,

bare with it if you don't like it.

 

 

p/s  I can't get over you.

i don't have much time

sticking my butt infront of my pc.

but still got free time sauntered everywhere.

all my buddies are not free this few days,

actually is this semester.

so sometimes sms only,

also cause my hp no money in 1 week.

i said will update soon,

but don't have urge to blog.

so.. how?

 

 

18:32 a person

feel asleep and never to be awaken.

she was gone.

my love, my 2nd granny.

lying in her new bed, coffin. forever.

no.. no..

she lived so long,

and will live on forever

in my heart.

 

 

I

sorry late to back home.

sorry..

U

be happy.

a new life, with god.

peace.

don't know why in this time I find J,

but thanks alot.

 

today start my working life again.

nervous-ing,

I'll update soon.

 

God must bless me lohhh

this few days quite busy.

but I'm still always online,

feel a little bit of ashamed of myself.

actually need to do some homework about my new work,

but I'm still here!!! Blogging-ing!!!

 

 

好久没运用华语了。

来一次吧（好像有语病？！）

 

12 January

 

陪妈妈去逛夜市。

哦，才发现有半年多没去 loitering。

好大的变化呢！

fake LV, fake Gucci, fake Mickey...

why don't have fake Porter Bag?!

still searching, has anybody know where has selling Porter Bag?

I just want to take a look, not fake!! want real !!!

遇见好多兴华生。

看见好多食物，垂涎三尺（原来我还会用成语，哈）

最后只是买了 roti john，

normal rm3 per one, ada hotdog rm4 per one

哇，还真会赚。

唉，没法子啦，近日经济不景气。

feel satisfied 因为有大收获。

 

回到家大概 9 something

开始享受我的美食咯！

我一个人就吃了一条，

哈哈，请叫我大胃王！

 

10 something 要入睡的，

因为没事干嘛。

就按按电话咯，按按下眼睛就快上锁了，

哪里知道，Jensen phoned me.

he fisished working and want to return my pendrive.

but i felt sleepy that time,

so not sure what is he talking about.

 

J    : Are you at home? wana return your pendrive.

Me : Ya, home. (actually is on the bed, ha)

J    : Are you sleeping?

Me : No, but wana sleep jor.

J    : .... (still say something but i'm not clear at the time)

Me : Okay la, when you arrive just phone me, tata.

 

so 梳理一下，

哈，其实没有，把头发用发夹夹下，

衣服也不换。

（没关系的啦，跟他这样熟，半分熟吧？）

回到客厅，

视线在电视荧幕上漫游，

等待着....

a few minutes ago...

(phone rang) " I arrive jor. "

arhh??? " oh, you wait a minute ah. "

哈，其实我没有听到引擎声，

然后我就开门，敲敲他的车门（奇怪？干吗还要我敲门）

“pendrive!!!”

（他奇怪）“上车！”

“上车？去哪里？”

“刚才不是跟你讲去喝茶麽？”

（shocked）“哦，等下下”

 

YUP, a sudden YAM CHA.

still same. in car, chit-chatting.

also confused want to go where to YAM CHA.

we always have no idea where should go.

“来。这次哪里喝啊？”他

“嗯，NJ 吧” 

“好”

this is the first time he goes to NJ,

me? second time.

then i show him where is the cafe.

he asks me NJ ada apa.

then i answer don't know.

wanna bang wall, right?

 

两个人毫无头绪地进去

两个人随便坐了下来

两个人点了黑白, actually is chocolate and milk

HAHA, so weird!!!

he is white so milk lo,

then i'm black so chocolate lo.

聊天咯

“其实我很饱了的。” 我

“。。。”

然后就这样讲讲讲，看戏看戏看戏

不知道为何会聊到

“我敏感。”

“是啊？那以后不是要找一个为你剥虾的男人咯？”

“对啊，交往前要好好地问咯。”

然后再笑声中溜走。

“这里很静耶！”他

“不懂哦，那天我来时很吵的。很多人。”

quite bored at that cafe, a few people, not so crowded.

then i said station 1 cafe is better, more people and

also got cards to play. got entertainment is better.

 

“NJ is what”他

" Ninja turtle " boom!!!

" but no T "

" then ninja lo. " boom again.

 

哈哈，我们聊有的没有的。

 

 

 

 

I’m glad to meet this gentlemen.

Thanks him this few days accompany me.

He is good man and available,

sometimes will play joke,

who wanna know more details about him,

can inform me. HAHA 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All my friends don't worried about me.
I'm okay now and still can wait tomorrow coming.
I'm feel sorry can't with you all till senior 3,
may be I'm a coward.
I'll take something to study lately but not so fast yet.
SPM is another choice la.
Stop schooling now doesn't mean stop forever,
I'm can't make everything well with precipitation.
Hin Hua is good for me,
but is practically not suitable for me.
I like hectic life
but I'm tuckered out when I'm junior3.
I force myself 2 years to study nothing.
I've no stream to study in Hin Hua anymore
I can't overcome my weakness.
Very confused in the 2nd semester when 2008,
can I stay longer here?
when? how?
May be awful pressure is another reason,
I reckon that is not a big problem to me,
everyone has their own pressure, right??
So pressure just a pretext to me.
Dough? Is it hypnotize me?
Not, I'm still know what I'm doing now.
always stay sane under this devil !!
I just want to find something that I like.

"You poor sap!" "Stupid!" "Are you kidding?"...
Yup, I hear a lot of this kind sentences.
But I already insist what I need now.
Knowledge is everything?
To me, just a part of life.

Okay, is time to stop explaining.
Next time if got anything programme in HH,
may be can inform me.
Yam Cha when you all free,
but it's difficult because you all need to fight with spm this year.
Exert hardly and stop loitering randomly!
Promise me, okay?
I miss and love you all. *chu

 
Cherish every moment in school.
My phone open in 24 hours and welcome you.
But my reply not open in 24 hours,
because too busy in this whole month.
Leave you all message here la and
let me know how is your life recently. 

                                                

gosh, many message recently !!!

you know why?

most of them is askin me the reason of suspend for school.

STOP SCHOOLING is not a very pertinent word to me,

I'm not studying now but it doesn't mean SUSPEND !

still looking-ing and not so fast to take ...

I'll tell you all the actuality when I'm free.

 

 

Okay, back to the topic.

Actually I'm always lost in the topic, HEHE

Yesterday was a normal day to me

but also need to write down in my space.

7 something in the morning,

YEAh, the time is for student in school but not me.

headed to Jusco BTK waiting my ex-colleague drive me to somewhere.

went to his house fisrt, because the interview was around 9 something.

there has something make me feel very awkward.

I'm the first girl to his house, although he already has a girlfriend,

But his girlfriend hasn't walked into his house?

How is ridiculous? Sorry to X

when 9, interview...

erm, let skip this part.

Is bored to me and you all.

When 1, fetch his two friend fisrt then drive to pyramid.

That's another make me want to laugh

The boy is 19 in this year but he never drive to pyramid before

(actually the most correct is he never goes to pyramid before)

we chit-chatting all the time in car.

the main reason to there not shopping ,

is waiting a supervisor to interview.

But I have a bit loather the guy... HAHA

in pyramid, four of us were too free

loitering here and there, so random

so spend a 30 minutes to visit the fitness shop - California Fitness.

the facilities is not bad, but the fee is too bad for me

--- skip another interview...

continue loitering in there,

we went into a shop which is selling something like gift?

ermm... don't know how to describe,

but that is not the main point.

okay, shoot the point !

there has a promoter is irritating me,

make me want to complain to his manager ....

k, here is our conversation,

 

Me         : (take a shirt) Is this import?

The shit  : ...

Me         : Is this import?

The shit  : I don't know

Me         : (shocked then point the clock) Is this make in wood?

The shit  : Ya, it costs rm39.9 (hey, i don't ask you price lo)

... later a few minutes

The shit  : Do you have boyfriend?

Me         : (What the hell !!!)  Broke jor, so now can hang out with boy .

... and he asks me some shit question continuely,

     hey, you don't know I answer you perfunctorily ?

 

Then I quickly join into my friend and pretend to chit-chating.

Gosh, what a shit person?!

I'm not your food, okay ?

before going home, we went to 1 to eat had a dinner.

I'm starving whole day and already got gastric pain.

eating and suffering...

yup,  I arrived at home around 10 something.

My mother was chattering,

thanks god, it just a 5 minutes.

 

Okay, i'll keep blogging recently.

TATA

 

yup, I've no any new year resolution in 09.

because people always tend to forget in the end of the year,

and also include me.

I'm fair tuckered out this few days.

because led to disordered life !!!!

Be a insomniac now, gerrr.....

 

I know the class will rife with the rumour of why I'm not in HH anymore.

Maybe somebody think me because DOUGH, but not really at all.

 

why the time is rushin?

i couldn't even take a break.

is the time too short?

or the task too much?

time will never wait for me.

tasks will still there to complete.

may be even heavier than what i thought,

there is no way for me to escape.

when the choice is made,

i have to obey and i'm getting used to it.

到底有多久不见中文字？

一小时？一天？嗯。将近一个月，直达快两个月。

我甚至开始怀疑自己的华文程度。

因为同事都在 complaint 我这独中生。

主啊，失礼了。

为何这样说呢？

很简单，我是个不会背什么唐诗三百首的“独中生”

有时音准也出错，还需要他们来纠正

是时候检讨一番。

---

 

 

好啦，社会大学的日子快要告一段落了。

我喜欢他们的陪伴

实际上，那不算陪伴。

因为我们都处于各自的岗位上。

应该是存在。

在社会打拼的人果然不同

与我相处的，都直率、坦然。

我就是喜欢这一点。

经历世面，接触各方人士，看过不少事件(is about customer)

与他们交谈很自在、轻松

我们彼此都看见彼此，面具有何用呢？

虽然有时有不快，

但是都当面谈定的。

虽然有时还蛮抱怨my brand-P&CO

的确本人认为组织出了些问题，

我希望日后能改善，变得更好！

 

哎，很多做完 12月份就辞职了

读书的读书，转行的转行。

喂，说真的，我会哭喔！

你们要为自己的生活添满色彩啊。

可以的话，抽空叙一叙旧。

我爱你们。

---

 

 

刚刚也和妈妈谈了好久。

这是我 16年来第一次与妈妈谈话，

因为一路来我们的交谈都处于交学费、卖物品、几点放工。

我家庭的相处方式都位于各自的位子上，不交谈。

很怪，对吧？

还好，至少学会独立，学会不依靠。

我主动找妈妈谈话，

因为有些事让我懊恼了很久，

虽然一路来什么事都是自己解决。

我妈说过路是自己的，决定是自己的。

可是这事还是该向她表白一下，

毕竟那不是开玩笑的。我是认真的。

面对的，是困难。看到的，是看不见。

我妈与往常一样，

跟我说：路是你的，未来怎样解决，有能力的，也只是你一个而已。

拿到通行牌了，未来开始了。

寻宝工作很匆忙，必须在 1月的来临前办好。

虽然工作，可是那问题真的很重要。

未来，我要过来了。

ps. Eileen, thanks for your support,

we must exert ourselves together.

 

 

 

 

just feel in to a sudden urge to blog.

i'm sufferin from fatigue in this whole month

and holiday homework still shelve aside.

without a moment's leisure to touch and start doin.

school life has no relish at all for me.

and my bedroom also become messy,

stray things littered my desk...

better clean it now.

 

yesterday had a shenanigans to me.

my colleague dally with me.

wanna whack him but lackin strength.

the story started...

i worked noon shift and no transpot,

so S(my colleague) and his friends fetched me.

he off but i also tried to ask him to drive me to work.

i'm a devil right? NOPE, is he!!!

after arrived at my workin place,

they left and went to eat a brunch.

when put my things into the locker,

found my handphone was lost

so tried to phone my handphone,

but nobody answer

i thought stranger picked up my handphone

after a second, somebody was answerin my call.

 

Me: Hello, who is there. Is S??

X  : Who are you

Me: I'm the owner of the phone, can you give me back

X  : I pick up outside Jusco

Me: So, are you outside now, can you take it to padini or I go out

X  : Why I wanna return it to you

Me: That's my phone okay

X  : Why I wanna return it to you, is my now!!!!

Me: (Bullshit, f*ckin) Is my OKay?

X  : ...(close my phone)

 

What the f*cking? I was prickly now.

then rushed out Jusco and finded the bullshit.

looking around, nobody walking or taking a phone.

no matter if became a murderess, i just wanna got back my handphone.

no results so went back my workin place.

afterthat, my colleague told somebody was calling back

said that i know that person, tell me don't leave.

What the hell?! normally who knows the guy...

my brain stop workin now.

my colleague said his phone number is 01X-XXXXXXX.

then i find it out.

Gosh, is S!!!!!

he jested with me.

last time i jested with you, now wanna revenge?

you make me insane, you are drivin me mad.

ARHHH... why i'm so foolish?

i will revenge next time. HEHE

 

J also jested with me

when both of us eat together.

yesterday when we break,

outside was rainin, so can't go outside.

we had many contradiction about wanna eat what. HAHA

Because in Jusco, many food are expensive!!!

Anti- food court!!!

when eating, he always cheat to me.

Omg, why i'm so naive as to believe him???

he's not a bad guy la.

he said he also don't know why wanna cheat me.

ARHHHHH.....

 

i'm not a child, okay?

 

 

 

Everyone perceive life different,

some think it should be simple and peace...

some said it should be full of surprise and excitement...

some said it's a journey, you'll go through a lot...

neither one is wrong.

For ME life is all about learning, I'm constantly learning.

I've learned to walk, and to stand up again when I fall;

I've learned to accept, and learned that life is not what I thought;

I've learned to forget, and learned to let it go;

I've learned to forgive, and to admit the faults;

I've learned to share, learned to be alone.

Most humiliatingly, I need to relearn to live a life, the most basic things in life...

I need to learn to eat, to sleep and to laugh

I thought that I've already know all that since I was a kid,

and something that I'm still learning...

learning to remember, to forget, to love and to unlove

Now that I've found out,

after I've learned so much,

I need to learn to UNLEARN.

爱意步入心灵

我好像是喜欢上他了

是吗？

反复地试问镜子里的自己，

却一点也不清楚。

常常期盼有他的存在。

像贼一样地偷窥

有时被他发现

他微微一笑，我却笨拙地别过头

是的，一个笑容蒙蔽了我的理智。

直接来说，我应该不会有理智的成分在细胞里吧？哈

我想完全认识他

可惜距离、忙碌阻隔了我们的沟通。

算了，不如叫我堂姐做个红娘牵线一下下？！

 

yeah, i'm addicted to english song.

It's awfully Awesome!!!!

 

there has a few songs i hear recently :

Calendar Girl - Star

Good Girl Gone Bad - Rihanna

The Show - Lenka

Trouble is a Friend - Lenka

Anything I'm Not - Lenka

 

Lenka has a gentle voice !!! envy her....

 

and also had somebody introduced a song for me

suddenly fall in love with this song....

Wait For You - Elliott Yamin

 

 

 

I can barely know whats my report card gonna look like in this year.

is too late to study harder and harder,

cause not interested anything from my stream.

confused-ing...

is senior ruin my life ?

who can light up my sky with your willing ?

 

i look into your eyes

wanna touch you suddenly,

but nothing.

 

hurray

*chu... miss you, my blog.

ooh, i hardly have time to come here.

i abondan it for long long time ago

i'm busying do nothing,

spend whole day to sleep,

no matter day or night,

really 100% seems like pig !!!

spend every second to chase the story books.

LOL, don't think I'm a bookworm !!!

loathe people call me that.

because the substance of the storybook is interesting for me

 

recently vent my spleen on my little brother

the main reason is not my bad temper

HE spoil my laptop AGAIN !!!

it's not the first time, many many time already

always waste money and time to check it and format

but this time is terrible,

all thing fly away !!!!!

the things you save in laptop,

when next time you open it, all thing will gone

so suck !!!! gerrrrr.........

HE is an astute computer freak,

exactly he is a DEMON but not expert

always try and change all programs in the laptop

so, is that a venial fault ?

i can't forgive him but i'll try it.

 

when the last vacation,

i just know my real father passed away.

nobody told me in the first moment, why ?

i'm not a child !!! no childish anymore

feel deep.

try to dissimulate feeling

never called "papa" again when i was 4 years old

this news nobody know.

i don't tell my friends,

nobody can console me.   i'm okay now.

 

 

okay,

stop mucking anymore,

FAKE SMILE is fact.

 

 

today,

when math period,

i made a sentences,

although has grammer mistake....

  FEMALE OLD TIGER

  FILL WITH ANGER

 

 

 

 醉夜里

 路灯照

 一个人

 影子也慌